• Julia Sidwell

I was desperate for a child

Samantha was approaching 40 and desperate for a child - but had no man. So she decided to go it alone and use a sperm donor. We placed her story first in Best magazine and then Prima Baby magazine, to get her two lots of cash.

Prima Baby and Pregnancy

Samantha says: "As I stood in front of the class, it suddenly dawned on me. I didn’t want to teach other people’s children. I wanted to teach my own.

I’d been thinking about going into teaching, so I was doing work experience at a school. But in that moment, my desire was obvious – I wanted my own little one to care for.

I had no immediate family. I’d lost my mum, Patricia, in November 2000 from a perforated stomach ulcer, my dad, Ronald, had died in October 2004 from liver failure and my only sister, Michelle, committed suicide in December 2006.

Starting my own family would mean the world to me. Problem was, at 38 and single, I knew the chances of meeting someone who wanted kids straightaway were slim.

Not long before, my on-and-off ex had confessed he still loved me. I’d told him I wanted children, but unfortunately he didn’t. I understood his reasons - he already had children of his own – but for me, it was a deal breaker.

So now, my mind was made up. If I wanted to be a mum, I would have to go it alone.

Deciding adoption wasn’t right for me, I had another idea.

I went online and tapped in sperm donors.

I came across the European Sperm Bank (ESB) in Denmark where donors had to be open to contact when the child reached 18.

One of the profiles caught my eye. It belonged to a 35-year-old Danish man who was very tall, had brown hair, blue eyes and fair freckly skin like me, a degree in music and was studying to be a doctor.

Sounds perfect, I thought.

So in May 2010, after an initial consultation at a fertility clinic in Nottingham, I purchased four vials of donor sperm and embarked on a journey of scans, blood tests and injections - as part of the intrauterine insemination (IUI) procedure.

I ate healthily, reduced my caffeine in take, stopped drinking and took my Great Dane and Chihuahua on long walks for exercise. But unfortunately, my first attempt at IUI was unsuccessful.

Feeling despondent, I was still determined to give it another go. But my second attempt couldn't go ahead because the drugs I had injected had made me produce too many eggs.

In November 2011, I tried once more. Yet again it was unsuccessful. Then a month later, I was dealt even more bad news. My granddad, John, had passed away aged 90.

Returning to Belfast for his funeral, I read his eulogy, before returning home to Lincoln.

‘How you doing Nan?’ I asked, phoning her that week.

‘Not too good,’ she said, sadly.

That Christmas marked another bleak one for the family and I went to Belfast to spend it with my nan, Dorothea.

In the New Year, I returned home and began a round of IVF, hoping I’d have more luck with it than the IUI.

I’d heard that acupuncture could help, so I started a course with a wonderful lady called Sandra.

I injected myself with hormones three times a day and then went to hospital to have any potential eggs removed.

They successfully retrieved seven and fertilised the best two with the donor sperm before implanting them inside me days later. Then all I could do was wait.

With my 40th birthday around the corner, I decided to spend it in Florence. But when I got there, everyone seemed to be smoking and the slightest smell of it turned my stomach.

Was I pregnant? I wondered.

Back home, I took a test and waited nervously…

‘Thank you, thank you, thank you!’ I cried, watching the test turn positive.

I couldn’t believe it. My dreams of becoming a mother were finally coming true.

I went for an early six-week scan and was overwhelmed to hear the little heartbeat inside me.

‘I’m pregnant!’ I told my Nan later.

For the first 18 weeks I was as sick as a dog, only able to keep down porridge and bananas.

After that, my military training kicked in and I became super organised, preparing everything for my baby’s arrival.

But months later, there was even more bad news. Nan had been diagnosed with leukaemia. Her health was deteriorating quickly and in September 2012, when I was six months pregnant, she died. Reading her eulogy, I was just relieved she had known I was expecting.

I moved in with my aunt, Glynis, and uncle John, who helped me stay calm.

And weeks later, I went into labour.

On the 12.12.12, with my aunt at my side, I gave birth to Grace. She was 5lb 13oz and I felt a rush of love as I held her in my arms.

‘Hello little one,’ I said, welling up.

After years of misery, it was the best Christmas ever. I dressed Grace in red velvet dress and me, my auntie and uncle all shared cuddles around the Christmas tree. It was simply magical.

Since then, I have had even more good news. I’m pregnant again!

I used my frozen embryos and one of them took.

Lying on the bed for my eight-week scan, I smiled as I saw the strong heartbeat flickering on the screen.

Grace, three, is already excited about the prospect of having a brother or sister.

Even though I decided to experience parenthood alone, I have never felt lonely. I still hope to meet the right man one day, but until then I will thrive on my own.

When Grace is older and asks me who her father is, I will be honest and show her the voice recording and letter I have from him.

Now, I can’t wait to meet the little one growing in my tummy this summer. Being a mum is the most wonderful feeling on earth."

1 view0 comments

Recent Posts

See All