• Julia Sidwell

I'm addicted to sex toys!

Here's gorgeous Elysia who confesses her sex toy addiction stops her from finding love. I wrote her story for this week's Now magazine. Do you have a controversial addiction? #sellmystory #sextoys #addictions

Elysia Downings Sex Toys

A woman who uses sex toys up to 10 times a day says her addiction makes it impossible to find love.

Elysia Downings, 28, who has been single for three years, prefers her toys to sex and has just treated herself to a rabbit vibrator called ‘Nora’ – a Valentine’s day gift to herself.

She is not ashamed of her 15-year addiction that has cost her more than £3,000, with her most expensive toy costing £100. But she accepts it’s the main reason why she can’t find a partner.

Elysia from Buxton, Derbyshire, said: “One man I was seeing threw my vibrator out of the window during an argument. He didn’t like the fact that I was using my toys when he wasn’t there.

“I understand sex toys can make men feel insecure, but they have to accept that anything with batteries is always going to get the job done quicker and more efficiently.”

“Vibrators have replaced my sex life. They are often the first thing I think about when I wake up in the morning and I use them up to ten times a day. I can find myself getting a bit moody if I haven’t had an orgasm.

Elysia describes herself as hyper-sexual and doesn’t like to be without her playthings if she’s away from home for more than a day.

She said: “Sometimes if I’m stressed, upset or even excited, I need a release to calm me down. If I’m going away for a night or two, I’ll take a discreet toy with me to use when I’m alone. And if I’ve been out all day, then it’s the first thing I do when I get home.

“The more I use my toys, the more dependant I become on them - it feels similar to a cigarette addiction when you get cravings.

The singleton says that apart from the intimacy of sex, her toys give her everything else she needs.

“I’m guaranteed an orgasm – or several. They won’t judge my naked body if I’m feeling self-conscious, they won’t cheat on me and they won’t break my heart. What I love most about sex toys is that I feel comfortable exploring my body with them. I’d rather respect my body by using a toy, as opposed to being used by a partner who doesn’t actually value me and then feeling bad about myself afterwards.”

As a teenager, Elysia got her kicks using items from around the home.

She said: “When I was 13 I didn’t have sex toys so I used household items instead. Back massagers, toothbrushes, basically anything that vibrates. I was 17 when I bought my first toy and straightaway, I was hooked.

“I had a difficult childhood and I needed an escape - masturbation became that for me. It helped distract my mind from the emotions I was dealing with at the time.”

Now a single mum, Elysia is careful to hide her habit from her son.

She said: “My bedroom is out of bounds. My son is six and it would feel awkward and inappropriate if he found them. But if he did, I would be honest and say they are toys for grown-ups.”

Last year, Elysia turned her addiction into a business, Betsy Boudoir.

She said: “I sell sex toys because I want other people to be able to have the same enjoyment I get from them. It feels great to bring what I love doing in the bedroom into the workplace, to a certain extent! Not to mention I get my pick of the bunch at wholesale prices.”

The single mother hasn’t ruled out love completely but says her toys will always remain a big part of her life.

Elysia said: “I’m open to finding a partner but my addiction makes it very difficult to find the right one. I’ve met men who find it endearing but most find it off-putting.

“I don’t feel like I should be ashamed. If men don’t like who I am or what I do, that’s their problem. Sex toys help us to discover what we like and don’t like and encourage us to love and accept our bodies.”

“The right man for me would be happy to use my toys as a way of enhancing our sexual experiences together, but I’d still want to be able to use them alone without feeling guilty about it.”

With Valentine’s day around the corner, Elysia has spent a total of £225 on sex toys as a gift to herself.

She said: “Some women have a thing for shoes or bags, I just happen to get my thrills from sex toys. I treated myself knowing I wouldn’t receive any presents – or any action - from anyone else. My perfect man is out there somewhere, but for now I’m happy without one. Who needs a Valentine’s date when you’ve got sex toys for company?”

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